Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
