She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
