Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
