He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
