SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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