even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
