Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
