brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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