the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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