btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
