I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize