Swine flu. Run for my life!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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