oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
