capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
