youre lurking in front of me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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