at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
