She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
