Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
