just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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