one two three fourrrrnication!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
