The maid of honor just puked.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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