I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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