im six kinds of drunk right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
