whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
