I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
