she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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