Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
