I puked a lego.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
