she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
