Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize