Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
