You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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