Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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