Soap is not a condiment
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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