accomplished twins. life is a go
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
