I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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