Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize