She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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