I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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