Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
