I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
