I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
