Me. At least after what I've been through.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
