You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
