How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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