it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
