Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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