Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Even my vagina gasped.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
