you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
