the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He? As in you personified your dick?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
