Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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