I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
