The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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