You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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