he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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