Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You ruined the universe
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
