Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
