I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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