My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
