Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
