if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
