The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
