Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
