youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
