i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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