I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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